


Sink

by BeveStuscemi



Series: Before There Was Hell [6]
Category: Silent Hill (Video Game Series)
Genre: Child Neglect, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Loneliness, Pre-SH:H
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-24 01:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeveStuscemi/pseuds/BeveStuscemi
Summary: When you’ve spent all of your life drowning in the waters of family turmoil and neglect, you get used to choking on water and feeling yourself suffocate on indifference.Now, Joshua can either be Alex's lifeline or the weight that drags him down even further.And at nine years old, Alex does not want to sink.





	Sink

Ever since the new baby arrived, the tension in the air is so thick Alex can almost taste it. Nobody in the house has managed to get a decent night sleep for the past two weeks and Alex is now constantly in the firing line for all his father’s frustrations.  
“Alex, either finish your cereal or get out of the room. It’s bad enough trying to organise all this baby stuff without you getting in the way.”  
Alex hangs his head and continues his bowl of cornflakes while his father wheels the pushchair out of the dining room and into the foyer. The house has been a mess ever since Josh came home, boxes of baby clothes and toys have commandeered the living room sofas while his medical charts and examination results lie scattered across the kitchen table tops and dining table. Alex had tried reading one of them but found it didn’t make much sense to him. His father had snatched it out of his hands, half-angry and half-exhausted.  
_“Don’t you have anything better to do?”_ His father had said with a tone so icy Alex felt a shiver of cold run down his spine.  
_“Dad, what does premature mean?”_  
His father’s expression had thawed. Black bags of sleep deprivation and worry more apparent in his gaunt face.  
_“Joshua was born too early. He needs extra help.”_

Indeed, Joshua needed help. He was a fussy eater and their mother used to break down fearing that he’d starve to death before she found a formula that he’d drink. They had eventually found a formula that he’d take but he gained weight slowly, hardly a noticeable increase from when he was first born. His weakness had led to a chest infection and now each night he’d cough and scream and cry until morning, leaving the rest of the family in a constant state of disarray. They had tried everything from vapour rubs to liquid medicine but Joshua refused to stop and the tension in the house continued to mount.  
Joshua had fallen asleep about half an hour ago, gifting the remaining Shepherds with a silence they hadn’t heard in what felt like forever and everything felt foreign. Alex finished his cornflakes and walked into the kitchen, placing the empty bowl into the sink before getting a snack out of the refrigerator.  
“You know you shouldn’t be snacking.” A faint, mechanical voice startled Alex and he immediately put the yoghurt back before turning to see his mother. She looked as though she’d aged twenty hears with her dishevelled brown hair, ill-fitting dressing gown and black ringed eyes. She had one hand on the kitchen table top, looking at Alex with disinterest.  
“Go into the living room Alex, I need to tidy up.” Alex couldn’t remember the last time she said his name but it didn’t matter. She had not acted any differently to him since Josh’s arrival, she did not break character for a moment when Alex was concerned, not even bothering to greet him when they finally got Joshua out of the hospital and into the house. He couldn’t decide if he hated his father’s shouts or his mother’s indifference more.

-

Alex was shooed into bed at ten thirty, practically forced to tip toe up the staircase in order to keep Joshua asleep. He was also told to walk up in darkness out of fear the light from the hallway would disturb the sleeping baby. Alex had reservations about this since he had a slight fear of the dark and anything that might lurk in it but he decided he’d rather face monsters than face his father’s wrath. His bedroom was opposite his parent’s room and he slowly pulled the door open to minimise any noise that might echo down the hallway and slid in the small gap he left for himself. The room was in total darkness and Alex felt for his bed in the blackness, trying his hardest not to bump into his bed side table or trip over one of his toy tanks. He finally settled in his bed and pulled the checked covers up to his shoulders in a bid to get a good night’s sleep. His mother had fallen asleep downstairs, head propped on her husband’s shoulders and snoring softly over the buzz of the TV. The period of peace was welcomed by everyone.  
Nights had been filmed with coughs and screams but the days were packed with visits from Doctor Fitch who was constantly checking on baby Josh. Alex wondered if the doctor would have cared so much if not for the ties between the families but he found the thought somewhat mean. Doctor Fitch visited every morning at ten and once more at six, spending a good hour examining Joshua and deciding the best course of treatment. He’d recommended all sorts of vitamins, different things to boost Josh’s immune system but so far most of them might as well have been placebos.  
“ _Of course, there’s a more natural approach.”_ The doctor had said during one of his visits, packing his stethoscope back into his case. _“Constant affection and regular feedings are one of the best ways to get him on the road to recovery.”_  
His father had snapped at that. “ _What do you think we’ve been trying to do? We hold him, he screams. We feed him, he screams! He does nothing but scream. Lillian is on the verge of a breakdown, she’s convinced he’s going to die!”  
“He won’t die, Adam. I’ll make sure of that.”_

Doctor Fitch was a reliable man when it came to saving the Shepherd children. Sometimes Alex still had nightmares about the bus incident. He dreamt of the cold water rising to his neck as he desperately tried to pull his broken leg out of the seat in front of him, the feeling of his heart pounding against his chest as he tried to hold in his breath. The dream always ended in a flash of white light, Doctor Fitch’s face being the only thing visible as he’s pulled out from the lake and onto dry land.  
“If he can save me, he can save Josh, easy-peasy.” He whispered this to his ceiling, before falling asleep.

He was awoken by a cry shortly after. Rubbing his eyes, Alex turned to his alarm clock. It was ten forty-eight, he’d only been asleep for about twenty minutes. Alex groaned as Josh continued to wail, waiting for one of his parents to come up and help him so he could fall back asleep.  
Ten fifty.  
Ten fifty-two.  
Ten fifty-three.  
They weren’t coming up.  
Alex threw the bed sheets off him and walked back into the hallway, listening out for his parents. He slowly tip-toed down the stairs, craning his neck over the bannister to check on his parents. The TV was still on, displaying some upbeat advertisement for a mop. This was unusual, normally his father was impatient and hated commercials and would always skip the channel to watch something new. This was all the confirmation Alex needed to know both his parents were asleep. A sensation of excitement settled in Alex’s stomach. He had seldom seen his little brother since he came home as he was always cooped up in his crib, away from Alex. This was the opportunity to show his parents that he too, could be responsible enough to look after Josh.

Alex crept back up the stairs as softly as he could, making sure his parents remained asleep and shuffled over to their room. The door creaked as he turned the knob and pushed it open and Josh quietened when he heard someone draw near. Alex quietly closed the door behind him and walked over to Josh’s crib, standing on his toes for a better look. The crib had once belonged to him and was decorated in white silk with an ivory blanket and mattress for the baby. There was a small teddy at the bottom of the crib, coloured blue with the name ‘Josh’ sewn on with navy blue cotton.  
The teddy was probably bigger than Josh, who was sprawled on his back, legs kicking feebly in his yellow sleepsuit. He was pink and wrinkled, like he had been in a bath for far too long and his tiny fists were curled up into little balls. Alex had heard Judge Holloway and a few other women call him ‘adorable’ or ‘precious’ but to Alex, he looked like an angry raisin. _  
_ “Hello,” Alex said, nerves suddenly replacing excitement. He realised a formal introduction was a stupid way to talk to a new-born but he wasn’t prepared to use the same baby-talk the women did. “I’m Alex. I’m your brother.”  
Josh continued to cry, his small chest heaving from the exertion and this began to frighten Alex who was beginning to consider running down for help.  
_“They’ll just be angry that I’m up,”_ Alex wrestled with his conscious. “ _As long as he’s still breathing, he’s fine just like Doctor Fitch said.”  
_ Alex stared into Josh’s pink face, at his red cheeks and flushed neck. The sleepsuit covered most of Josh’s tiny body and then it dawned on Alex. He was too hot.  
“Are you too warm, Josh? Is that it?” Alex placed two of his fingers on Josh’s forehead and shook his head at how hot his skin felt. As carefully as he could, Alex unbuttoned the sleepsuit, pulling down the soft fabric and exposing Josh’s skinny little legs.  The baby stopped kicking and relaxed, lowering his fists and breathing less rapidly.  
“I bet it was weird coming home.” Alex spoke to Josh, who was trying to locate where the voice was coming from. “You were in hospital for _ages_ , it was like three weeks before you could come back.” Alex paused and stared into the wall. “They wouldn’t let me see you. They said I’d give you germs and make you ill.”  
He'd begged and promised his father that he’d shower and wash his hands ten times before going to the hospital but his pleas were rejected. Alex had to rely on eavesdropping phone calls and conversations to hear on his brother’s progress. The neighbours knew more about Josh than Alex did and he’d never forgiven his father for it.

“That doesn’t matter now.” Alex looked back down at Josh who was now attempting to focus on Alex’s face. “You’re home now.” He paused again relishing the silence and warmth radiating off the little body in front of him.  
“I’m going to pick you up.”  
Alex slipped one of his hands under Josh’s head and the second just beneath his bottom and he held his breath. If he dropped him, that would be it. He’d be disowned, probably killed.  
_“You’re not going to drop him. He’s tiny.”_  
“I’m not going to drop you.” Alex repeated to Josh, a firm statement to reassure him. He cupped Josh’s head and slowly, carefully removed him from the crib and into his arms. Josh made several confused noises as Alex tried to adjust him, placing his head into the crook of his elbow and supporting it with his free hand. He hoped his arms proved a comfortable bed. Josh was still warm and Alex could feel the heat seeping through his Spiderman pyjamas but he liked the closeness. It was the closest thing to comfort he’d experienced in a long time.  
“You’re not so bad.” Alex grinned to his younger sibling, gently rocking him in his arms as Josh lazily looked back at him. Alex could have sworn he even returned a small smile.  
“We can play together when you get a bit bigger,” Alex whispered to him. “We can play soldiers with my tanks or we can make a fort with my bedsheets. You’d like that, we can use your nightlight and…”

“What are you doing?”  
Alex had no idea when his father came in, nor did he hear him. All he could do was stare dumbly at him, clutching Joshua to his chest.  
“I said ‘what are you doing’?” There was a dangerous tone to his father’s voice and Alex could feel his legs start to shake but he maintained enough courage to keep Josh safe.  
“Josh was crying and he woke me up and I came in to see if he was okay and…”  
“You decided you knew better than your parents about looking after a baby.”  
Alex shook his head frantically. “N-No Sir, I just thought since you and mom were tired that I c-could look after him.”  
“Put him back,” Alex’s face began to crumple and he stared into the floor, wanting to disappear. “Are you deaf as well as stupid? NOW.”  
Josh began to cry from the shouting and Alex did too, as he placed Josh back into his crib.  
His father took a step closer to Alex, placed both his hands on his shoulders in a painful grip. His eyes locked onto Alex’s face and he spoke in a voice low and malicious.  
“Don’t ever let me catch you in here again. Do you understand?”  
He nodded.  
“Go to bed. It’s late.”  
Alex ran out of the room, sobbing as he sprinted into his own bedroom. He slammed the door before flopping onto his bed, heaving sobs echoing into his pillow. He felt like he was suffocating, like the room was too small and he couldn’t escape.  
He had the same dream that night, the one where he was trapped in his sinking school bus, slowly being pulled to the bottom of the lake, lungs running out of oxygen and swallowing ice-cold water.

Only this time, he drowned.


End file.
